Friday, February 27, 2009

Billy's Favorite Retro Games! (Part 7 of 200)

The Oscars are still fresh in my mind, what with Mickey Roarke being nominated(but denied the win by Sean Penn) for his turn as Randy "The Ram" in the movie The Wrestler. There's a great scene in the middle of the film where Randy plays a fictional old-school NES brawler, Wrestle Jam, starring The Ram himself(Also mentioned in the scene is Call of Duty 4 which, considering how long it will probably take me to reach 200, will be a featured retro game sometime in the next decade). This "game" was very reminiscent of one of my absolute FAVORITE retro games: PRO WRESTLING!

Pro Wrestling was one of Nintendo's NES original sports titles like Ice Hockey, Tennis, and Golf. And much like those games it followed the most unoriginal naming scheme ever. Thankfully that's a small concern about this game as it has some crazy surreal things that can happen in it. You start by choosing your favorite wrestler. This is standard operating procedure in any fighting game. This game seems to capture the 80s WWF feel wonderfully with it's eclectic(and in some cases mildly racist) roster of pugilists.

Kin Corn Karn, King Slender, and my favorite Starman. Not to be confused with either the comic book or movie of the same name, Starman gets his name from the fact that he wears a pink jumpsuit and mask with a giant purple star on it. You might think that Starman would be a big puss, but he is totally bad ass. Using his pink tights as a way to lure unsuspecting wrestlers to their doom!

The only other wrestler who can potentially match up to the awesomeness of Starman is The Amazon. Why? Well, because The Amazon is...uh, well, he's the creature from the black lagoon, actually. I don't know if this guy is wearing a costume or not, but one of his special moves is to bite the fuck out of his opponent's face. If he's wearing a costume, that's dedication.

Being an NES game it's got a limited move set that consists mostly of punch and kick. You can jump off the turnstile and bounce on the ropes as well as leave the ring. Don't expect any crazy weapons though(well, aside from The Amazon's pearly whites), this was the early NES days, I'm surprised that they had space on the cartridge for spectators let alone extra kilobytes for a folding chair.

Now, one of the things that this game is famous(or infamous, rather) for, aside from Starman being awesome like a possum, is the horribly great Engrish translation. Win the big championship match and you get this:

A winner is you. It's certainly up there in the annals of bad translations. It's not quite an "I feel asleep" or "All your base" but it's enough to endear me to this horrible, horrible, awesome game.

You my boy Starman! You my boy!

No comments:

Post a Comment